Dear reader, thank you so much for the love and appreciation for the Empowering Voices series of interviews, that feature the voices of Indian Speaking Autistics and give us an in-depth look into their lived experiences. The ninth interview features an young man, Kabir Nair. His bright smiling eyes with a clear dream of his future remind me of the poem by Robert Longley - Dreams of the future.
Welcome to My World
1Q) Please introduce yourselves to our readers.
1A)Hello there! My name is Kabir Harish Nair! I am a college student, pursuing Bachelor of Arts in my first year. I am 18 years old and am diagnosed to have moderate autism. Yes, I am an autistic man. Honoured to be here!
2Q) Please share your hobbies and interests/passions with us.
2A)We will be here all day if I discuss all of the good stuff haha! In short, there are many interests I have. I am an aspiring writer who is working on his project to release visual novels studying various elements of fiction and gaining skills in order to refine my art. Speaking of art, I am actually getting into art, the drawing one! In order to add the visuals in my novels. Above all though, I aim to be a Psychoanalyst in order to understand myself well, but above all to understand others and heal them as much as I can. My other interests include my passion for heroes like Batman and Superman who inspire me daily and actually got me into the beautiful world of writing and fitness. My aim is to learn martial arts to defend myself, my family and the weak, should the need arise and discover myself.
3Q) How do you cope when you’re having a bad day?
3A)Whenever I feel down, I remember the beautiful smile of my mom and dad, my future Self looking at me with belief in me, my pets looking at me with love but shall it not suffice, the images of my idols in fiction; Batman and Superman lift me up as I remember their ideals of resilience, discipline and compassion as I lift myself up.
4Q) What are glimmers in your life? (Glimmers are tiny micro moments of joy - fleeting, everyday moments that elicit a rush of happiness, gratitude, calm, peace, safety, or goodwill)
4A) There are countless such glimmers which I can't just tell them all but the ones Which spark my day the most are returning home from college to be welcomed by my mom and pets with love, talking to my papa on phone, playing with pets, writing my ideas down and working out pushing my boundaries.
5Q) When did you realise that you are autistic and how it changed once you knew you’re autistic?
5A)In honesty it was always the same for me. Thanks to God for giving me the best parents I could have ever asked for and same for the therapists for making me able to be the man I am today. As my memory serves, I knew that I was an autistic Child from the age of 6-7. So it didn't bring ANY changes in my life.
Education and Workplace Experiences
1Q) What are your experiences in school/college… What challenges do you face?
1A) Being a fresh college student out there, my experience in college and formerly school have been mostly like any non-autistic human. Though the biggest challenge I have faced is preparation for exams, mainly due to my tendency to procrastinate as I often find it hard to focus on something for consistent periods.
2Q) How do you cope with these challenges?
2A) I try to remind myself of my future dreams and tell myself that if I don't make the necessary time and sacrifices needed, then the dreams themselves will become the sacrifice. Something which I won't be content with.
3Q) What accommodations ( physical or changes in the mindset of people around you) would help you thrive in this scenario?
3A) For This specific instance I believe people being more willing to empathise with autistic children/people, educate themselves on the topic of autism and shall it be needed, then be ready to make some arrangements of educational tools alongside encouraging the person.
Sensory Challenges
1Q) Please share your sensory world with us. Please share about Interoception too..
1A) Interoception which in simple terms is the ability to be aware of the internal sensations in the body like heart rate, hunger, Emotion sensations, etc. Which ties in well with the sensory world, as I reflect on my journey remembering how I used to avoid rice, pulses also Known as dal in India. A pattern of avoiding white and soft textures, as I used to felt overwhelmed. From just one of the many examples.
Though with time I adapted to these changes and learned to explore food options like rice, pulses, sabudana, Curd and many more food options. All thanks to my parents. Which explains why I am rarely a picky eater now, haha!
2Q) How does it affect your daily life?
2A)Speaking from my experience, a sense of discomfort ran through my body, which always made me feel repulsed, not out of any picky attitude, but simply out of my Senses being overloaded I assume. Though with practice and support from others, I did manage to overcome it, but at the same time there are others for whom the path is much more rigorous. In fact even today I love to have big hugs with my mom. Only Supporting the theory of my sensory world being distinct from most people.
3Q) What accommodations would help you thrive?
3A) I would encourage people to once again support and lend help in such cases, and for the physical changes, While I am not the most informed on the matter, I believe that slow progress and encouraging the person to practice adaptation to their sensations shall help, though of course it may vary with cases since Autism is an umbrella term.
Communication Challenges
1Q) How different is your communication style from the Neurotypicals and how does it affect your daily interactions?
1A)I believe the only differences I have from the Neurotypicals at this moment is the speed of my speaking. At times I can speak too fast for even myself to comprehend what I say, though once that's in check I am similar to the neurotypicals. Oh and perhaps I tend to be a bit blunt, both given my love for morals and ethics and also my inherent lack of empathy, ironically which can create conflicts in communications.
2Q) How do you cope with this challenge?
2A)I try to slow my words when I talk to others and I try to empathise with others in order to improve my communication with others.
3Q) What accommodations would help you thrive?
3A) I would encourage people to mainly keep patience and be empathetic to them which will allow them to communicate better.
Relationships
1Q) What do you look for in your relationships?
What challenges have you faced in your relationships?
1A) I Look for connection, honesty and trust in relationships to sum it up. There are a few challenges I do face, the biggest one I can point to is my rough tone at times combined with the bluntness can actually send people off the wrong message of me being rude. Which has resulted in conflicts and even arguments at times.
2Q) How do you cope with these challenges?
2A) First of all I try to ground myself by taking deep breaths, keeping my emotions in check. After which I try to analyse what went wrong and prepare myself so that it doesn't go wrong ahead again.
3Q) What accommodations or changes in the mindset of people around you would help you thrive?
3A)I would encourage people to try to ask for inputs from them regarding their wishes in the relationships and try to understand and accommodate their needs.
Bullying
1Q) Have you faced bullying in school/college/workplace? Please share a few details
1A)Yes..this has arguably been one of the biggest challenges I have faced in my youth. There have been quite a few instances but the biggest one which actually changed my life forever was in class 6. A few seniors used to pick on me in school after basketball lessons back in the day. It was in the corner of the schools with stairs..and that heavily did crush me at the time. However it has taught me lessons and strengthened me, thanks to my parents.
2Q) How do you cope with these challenges?
2A)Since then no one has bullied me thankfully but I have my plans to deal with any challenges of such nature. My plans would include first of all keeping my composure And trying to avoid any conflicts. If they TRY to get in a fight then I am booking for it and talking about it to my parents and authorities. Apart from that I plan to train myself physically and hopefully get into martial arts.
3Q) What accommodations or changes in the mindset of people around you, would help you thrive?
3A) I would encourage people to take Strict actions against such bullies, teach their children basic Self defence skills should the day come to defend themselves and be ready to hear their plea of help if needed.
Masking
Q) Have you ever had to mask to look neurotypical? Please share your experiences..
A)In truth I never needed to mask myself to look Neurotypical due to my parents telling me and ones around me about me having autism, which only helped me embrace it, so that was a big help.
Executive Functioning Challenges
1Q) What executive functioning challenges ( adaptable thinking, planning, self-monitoring, self-control, working memory, time management, and organising) have you faced and how does it affect your life?
1A)Well there are two specific challenges which I have faced. First is the struggle in focusing on one task. My ambitious nature and my mind which does work quite fast to the point I believe I may be overthinking (the blessing in disguise or curse as I like to call it) . I tend to get scatter brained and lose focus from the task often resulting in procrastination. And the second one which is related to it is keeping track of tasks I have to do. Sometimes I am doing chores of home and I forget some of them even if they were told to do rather immediately.
2Q) How do you cope with these challenges?
2A)I try to be composed and do Deep breathing exercises to Keep myself rooted in reality which immediately helps me perform better.
3Q) What accommodations would help you thrive?
3A)I would encourage people to have talks with their children and check on their state of mind and also note if they have any weaknesses doing certain tasks, which would help in dealing with that certain obstacle and overcome it.
Social life
1Q) What challenges have you faced in your social life?
1A)I believe it's similar to the challenges regarding relationships. My honesty and my nonchalant self at times are the main challenges which create problems in communication in social life.
2Q) How do you cope with these challenges?
2A) I try to be grateful to God for the loved ones I have, putting me at peace much more and allowing me to be much more empathetic and more energetic. Enabling me to be better in social aspects.
3Q) What accommodations or changes in the mindset of people around you would help you thrive?
3A)I believe another issue which while I never suffered from thankfully, it could be that some autistic children feel insecure about their inclusion in the social groups. So again the good old Empathy and encouragement alongside patience would be the best route to take.
Comorbidities
1Q) Please share about what comorbidities have you faced..
1A)The most prominent challenge I have faced is perhaps overthinking. Due to my tendency to over analyse things and think too far, it actually can result in me feeling down and losing the drive to work towards my goals and makes me overall less productive and moody.
2Q) How do you cope with these challenges?
2A)Honestly, it's simple. I try to be a grateful person for everything I have, be stoic and grounded which helps me this aspect.
3Q) What accommodations or changes in the mindset of people around you, would help you thrive?
3A) The best change one could make apart from taking support of health professionals regarding this field, would be to educate themselves on the difficulties their children face so that they themselves could both help their children if needed and also it allows them to empathize and understand the situation of their children more.
Towards a better tomorrow
1Q) Please share your message to parents of autistic children in how they can create a nurturing environment at home..
1A) The Parents and family members of the autistic children, the most important step you can take forwards towards creating a nurturing environment for the children is to be open to their neurodiversity and never let them feel insecure and negative about it. You will have to do a lot of hard work haha, be assured but we have to endure for our children. And the power above will see your work and it will all turn out fine.
2Q) Please share your message to therapists on how they can include neurodiversity affirming practices in their approach..
2A)To therapists, I am not the most educated on this matter but messages of awareness, encouragement and using knowledge of the researches and studies would help a lot. The biggest challenge though is convincing the parents of such children about embracing neurodiversity, which would mean that the most important approach would be to spread Awareness on this matter.
3Q) Please share your thoughts on how we can work towards an inclusive and neurodiversity friendly society..
3A)At the end, as with most matters in society, this one also revolves around diminishing the fear around this concept of neurodiversity people have and spread awareness, be willing to help such children and even acknowledge the ones who work hard with such children and endure and keep working and hopefully in future we will see a world which accepts such people where such children can raise their chin up, proud of themselves of who they are.
As you embark on your journey of life, our best wishes are with you. May all your dreams come true, dear Kabir!
I would love to carry forward this series as long as possible and share the insightful journeys of Indian speaking autistics. Please reach out if would like to come forward and share your journey and guide parents and therapists. My email - parentingautismindia@gmail.com
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed by the guest in this interview are their own independent opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host and owner of the blog. Readers are advised to exercise their own discretion and seek professional advice where necessary.
